Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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