when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
