Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I want to be your penis for a week.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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