Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
