Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
