every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
