hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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