awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
