Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
