Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
