I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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