my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
