I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
