no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
