So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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