I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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