cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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