i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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