So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
