You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Couch. On fire.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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