Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
