it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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