wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
