mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
