i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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