after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
