Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
