16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
