Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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