I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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