I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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