is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
