Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
