also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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