I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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