Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize