why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
