I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
