my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
