got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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