saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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