oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
