How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
