life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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