I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
