dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
