Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
