God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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