so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
