I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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