you win again, gameday.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dear god my vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
