she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
