I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
