I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
