just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Mom said you looked used
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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