Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it's like heaven, but drunker
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
send nudes
from the living room?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
