TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
