I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
