I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Randomize
