Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
