I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize