i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
