id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
