I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
