Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
