but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
