I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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