I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
