soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He shit in the fireplace
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize