I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
