you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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