If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
