You're completely useless in the revolution.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
