so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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