Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
