If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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