I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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