The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
