Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
