Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
