The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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