Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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