we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
