He asked me if I "almost moaned"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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